I Give Up

What Are You Giving Up?

I know I am way behind (Yes, Lent did start over a week ago) and I've not posted anything in a while.  So, let's give it another try.


Pastor Families (families where there is a pastor or other church leader employee) sometimes have rather unique conversations.  One of those took place on Thursday evening after our Ash Wednesday Worship Service.  It was during dinner and our oldest turned the conversation to what we were giving up for Lent.  I chimed in that sometimes it's not so much what you're giving up, but what you're doing to be a better follower of Jesus (I may have a bias about giving things up).  What are you doing to grow closer in your relationship with Jesus during Lent?


There was silence ... and then we went right back to "What are you giving up?"  [This happens often when dad comes out with some whacked idea ... everyone knows that Lent is about giving things up].  So, my better half asked the kids what they were giving up for Lent (she's good at turning questions around ... in a good, for the betterment of society, sort of way). 


BIT: Then our oldest announced that he was giving up trapping for Lent.  Despite finding it incredibly disturbing, my oldest enjoys trapping squirrels in the backyard.  Yes, he has a trap that he bought with his Christmas money.  He baits it with pecans, catches squirrels, and then (TMI - the following has been censored, again it's a pastor thing).  I was elated with this decision, so I know Jesus was as well.  Our youngest then announced that he was giving up playing with Lego bricks.  My better half warned about how difficult it was going to be to give up something that you love so much.


BITTER:  The question had only been diverted for a short while, the oldest tried for the third time, "So, what are you all giving up for Lent?"  Last year I did fast on Thursdays and was successful (I did have to break the fast on one Thursday due to sickness, but that doesn't count ... does it?).  I had decided to give something up for Lent this year, but had really not wanted to share it.  After some thought, I decided that we are all family and we are all in this together, so I announced that I was giving up (TMI - I don't know who all is reading this, so you're on your own).  To which my better half announced that, "There is no way you're going to make it 40 days!"  To which I responded with "WOW! So what are you giving up?"  She then thought for a while and said that she was giving up (Really, you thought I was going to share ... I've learned some things about this blogging about the better half).  To which I responded ... I think I just laughed, because we both know that's not going to happen.


BITTEREST:  Our oldest is doing well so far.  Despite his love for trapping, varmints run freely and unobstructed through our backyard.  I've done well, so far.  Our youngest has already climbed up to retrieve the Lego bricks from the top of the refrigerator (where they "wouldn't be a temptation").  As for my better half ... Sunday's are a freebie day ... right?  A Resurrection in the midst of Lent?  Let's go with that ...

It is difficult to give up something you truly enjoy, even with the best of intentions.

Pump Up the Mood

I can be a pretty moody person.  Many would probably disagree, but that is just because I'm usually pretty good at covering my mood cake with a pretty thick layer of positive, optimistic icing.  Such was not the case on Friday.  Despite being my day off and a supposed day of rejuvenation from the week, there was no positive, optimistic icing for my cake. 

My family had been home long enough to know what my mood was like, and so when I announced I was going to watch a movie, my wife quickly had a suggestion.  She knows that when I'm in one of these moods, I will almost always pick something that really exacerbates the mood. She knows that I will pick some Sundance-esque, artsy, deep thinking, dark, end weirdly and in utter hopelessness and depression kind of movie.  I have a tendency to feed my miserable mood with "life is crap" movies and music.  Which then leads to ... well ... it's a very ugly looking cake.  Her suggestion, right on the heels of announcing my desire for a movie, was "Please!  Pick something HAPPY!"  Annoyed, I did!  Regretfully, I facebooked my selection before viewing the first five minutes, which clearly made me aware that it was rated R for several reasons.  But ultimately, it's B-grade (perhaps even C-grade -- it was not a cinematic wonder by any means), craziness of killer fish eating everyone and the comedy of bad scripting did lift my spirits.

BIT:  Media can help with our moods.  I regularly listen to my ipod when working out at the gym and running.  I find that music propels me to do better than I would have done without it (or in the case of the gym, trying to workout to "bad" music they pump in).  An article I was recently reading quoted a Brazilian study where cyclists who listened to music they liked were able to push themselves further, and that in Taiwan patients awaiting a heart procedure who listened to their favorite music had less anxiety than those who didn't listen to music. 

BITTER:  So, what is it about media that is able to lift our spirits and inspire us to do and be greater (or feed the bad mood)?  Is it the content, the lyrics, or the beat?  I researched my preferences.  When running, I like to listen to Christian music.  If I'm going for distance (the long haul) I usually listen to Praise & Worship music by Chris Tomlin, Matt Redman, Fee, etc. (there's nothing like "You Never Let Go" to spur me on in the power of the Holy Spirit ... not to mention I sometimes get ideas about worship series while on these worship-runs).  If I'm going for speed ... well, it's got to have a more driving beat, so I pop in (I know that dates me, I really do use my iPhone, but we used to "pop in" tapes and Cd's) some Hawk Nelson, Stellar Kart, etc. (get a little "Crazy Love" to motivate me to move faster).

If I'm at the gym on the Rowing Machine, I've got to get my Caribbean on ... so, it's some Bob Marley, or if I want to be more progressive I listen to Stefani Hudson suggested Damian "Jr. Gong" Marley or Matisyahu.  If I'm on the Elliptical I love me some Hootie & The Blowfish, James Taylor, or Jimmy Buffett.  And, when lifting weights ... if it's a good day I try experimenting with some Alternative, like Death Cab for Cutie, Fountains of Wayne, etc.  But, if it's a bad day ... and I need some inspiration .. then I need Rock .. and there's nothing like some Led Zeppelin and AC/DC to get the mood in motion.

BITTEST:  It looks like beat may win out over lyrics.  Except that I know lyrics are important.  Recently, I let my son (I've blogged about his Pop/Rap musical taste [if you can call that taste]) listen to "his" music on the way to school.  A song by the New Boyz came on.  Not so bad.  It had a good beat.  But then the lyrics ... "I hope you don’t take this the wrong way ... Girl you look better with the lights off, Better with the lights off, ooh.  Girl you look better with the lights off, Better with the lights off, ooh Better with the lights off."

Really?  I know if I tried this with my better half (who looks FANTASTIC with the lights on and off), that she wouldn't "take this the wrong way".

I invite you to comment or facebook your suggestions for me to try in my next work out ... when I need to Pump Up the Mood.

A No Max Day

Last week was the first week of school. Since I am the parent of two transitionally challenged children, we take these new beginnings carefully. My oldest has started Middle School (which is a transition that has challenged me) and my youngest has started First Grade. With my youngest, the "transitional challenge" has historically been his process of discovering where the new boundaries are with the new teacher and challenging the flexibility of said boundaries.

As any good parent, we have been questioning the children each day on how things are going. My youngest likes to collect money, so the reward system in his class ... getting a dolphin penny for good deeds and changing 10 pennies into a dime and collecting 4 dimes for reward ... seems to be going well.

On Friday my wife was questioning our youngest about his day. He was noticeably down, so she knew something had not gone well. To the question, "What's wrong?" His answer was, "It was a No Max Day." Not knowing exactly what that meant, but getting ready for the possibility that he had to pull a stick (the opposite of the penny reward) ... the teacher saying, "No Max." ... my wife asked for more details. To "How was it a "No Max Day"? his response was "On the playground at recess, everyone I asked if I could play with them said, 'No, Max.'"

BIT: It is a hard life lesson. Sometimes the answer to our questions is "no". That God sometimes tells us "no" was the topic of Sunday's sermon. Paul, who usually seems to have it all together is told "no" twice in Acts 16:6-7. Paul wanted to go to Asia but "having been kept by the Holy Spirit from preaching the word in the province of Asia" (that's Bible Speak for "no"). Then Paul wanted to go to Bithynia "but the Spirit of Jesus would not allow them to" (again a Biblical "no"). Yet, even after two divine "no's" Paul kept on trying and finally the answer came in a vision "of a man of Macedonia standing and begging him, 'Come over to Macedonia and help us.'" (vs. 8)

I shared a little about last week being a "No John" week. A couple of really good things for the church, or at least I thought they were really good things, turned out to be divine "no's". It is easy to respond to "no's" (especially divine "no's") like a first grader ... "So what did you do, Max?" "I went over and sat by myself." Sometimes that's what we want to do. Give up or get into a mood.

BITTER: So, I've decided to model Paul. My plans were vetoed with a divine "no." Yet, we're going to keep on moving. Notice that Paul didn't stop, he "went down to Troas" (vs.8). We're going to keep connected to God in prayer, work out the plan before us, and wait for our vision of who is to "come on over to First Farragut and help us."

My youngest didn't give up completely. Monday he hit the playground, found two boys who wanted to play with him, and had a great time. He even managed to find a new girl friend. I bet it was a "Yes Max Day."

I Got My Friday Back

The reminder came yesterday from my wife, "Tomorrow is Friday." Now, usually that statement is not remarkable for someone grounded in reality and having access to a calendar (my wife IS grounded in reality and while being, at times, scheduling challenged, she has a calendar). What made the announcement remarkable has to do with background. Since my wife is a teacher she has off during the summer. Since there is no school during the summer, my children are also home. The upside of this is that it means that scheduling vacation is easier. The downside is that I lose my alone time on Fridays.

The "background" came about half way through the summer vacation season when I accidentally let something I was thinking slip out of my mouth. The slip was, "I can't wait to get my Friday's back." My wife didn't have to have an interpretation, she knew what I meant, and she was offended (and rightly so). But once it's out ...

BIT: During the school year, Fridays are my day to decompress from the week. It is my day off. I have a very set schedule. I take my oldest to school. I go to the grocery store and do my shopping in a particular way (OCD). I come home and put the groceries in their proper place (OCD). I usually work on some project at home. I eat lunch and go to the gym to workout. I pick up my oldest from school. I soak. I cook dinner. Note there is no "we" involved in my Friday. It is refreshing and, for my introverted self, it recharges me for a new week in an extroverted vocation. As dysfunctional as I've described it, my Fridays are like my Sabbath.

During the summer Fridays look very much like Saturdays. There is a "we" component. It's not that I don't like being around my family ... Though this was the way my wife took, "I can't wait to get my Fridays back."

I do love being around my family. I just need "I" time. Life without a Friday is like someone not following the natural flow of the grocery story, or not putting all the cold items together on the checkout conveyor, or not putting the cereal on the "cereal" shelf.

BITTER: Today is the first Friday that everyone has been in school. This was what my wife was talking about yesterday. So, I dropped off my oldest at school. I went to the grocery store and followed the proper flow through the grocery store. I put my groceries on the conveyor with all the cold items together. I got home and put everything on their proper shelf. My project has been this blog. I will go to the gym in a few. I will pick up my oldest at school. I will come home and have the most amazing saltwater soak in my jacuzzi bath tub. I will grill turkey burgers on the grill with Steak Fries that will make my wife grin. So ... bring on life ... bring on church work ... bring on the family ... you can even put the cereal on the wrong self ... 'Cause, I Got My Friday Back, Baby!

Vacation

I LOVE vacation. It's not that I don't love my job, I do. But I like to get away and travel. Go to the ocean, camp, relax, eat good food ... Because my wife is a teacher, we have to schedule vacation during her time off (I love taking my wife on vacation with me). This usually means the concentration of our vacation is during the summer. For some reason, it seemed to me, and to others, that I was away most of the summer, even though I wasn't.

Because we have so many projects going on at the church (sealing and striping the parking lot, new roof for the building, etc.), the chair of trustees has had to call me several times to coordinate visits, workers, and schedules. First he called me at Annual Conference (which is NOT vacation, though I am wandering around in shorts and camping in my motor home with my family ... but I do work). The next time he called I was in Myrtle Beach on vacation number 1. Then two weeks later, while on vacation number 2 in Atlanta, jokingly he asked, "How many days of vacation do we give you?" To which I replied, "A bunch, and thank you very much for all of them."

BIT: Vacation does make me feel uncomfortable, perhaps guilty. So many things are left undone each time I leave, no matter how hard I've tried to cover all the bases. Maybe it goes back to the "Historic Examination" questions for ordination. There are 19 powerful questions that we must answer before we can be ordained. Question 17 is "Are you determined to employ all your time in the work of God? Question 19 is "Will you observe the following directions? a) Be diligent. Never unemployed. Never be triflingly employed. Never trifle away time; neither spend any more time at any one place than is strictly necessary."

I get stuck on some of these questions from time to time. Like question 2, "Are you going on to perfection?" Well, some weeks it doesn't feel that way. Some weeks it feels like I'm on the highway to hell (spiritually). But usually questions 3, 4, & 5 can get me back on track, "Do you expect to be made perfect in love in this life? Are you earnestly striving after it (perfection)? Are you resolved to devote yourself wholly to God and his work?"

BITTER: The same is true for question 17 (Are you determined to employ all your time in the work of God?) No, I'm determined to employ some of my time in hanging out in a beach chair, completely unemployed, trifling away time doing absolutely nothing. And, I may spend more time than is strictly necessary doing this.

Of course the argument can be made that I'm doing the work of God while resting and relaxing and recharging my spiritual batteries. Jesus did take time to get away. I don't know if I can make an argument for 4 weeks ... though I might try.

Well, I'm back and ready for a new season at First Farragut. I can answer 17 with a "yes" ... until next summer (maybe if I take all the weeks in a row, no one will notice I'm gone?).

Stuck in the Middle with You

Today is Wednesday of Annual Conference Week. It is the end of our meeting time and in a few minutes the bishop will drop his gavel and "set" the appointments for the coming year. My appointment will be to return to the First Farragut United Methodist Church for a fourth year. I am excited to be going back and hope that for many years to come, when the appointments are set, my name will be listed beside First Farragut with incremental years that approach double digits.

During this Conference, I have had many opportunities to reflect back on these three years at First Farragut. On Sunday, after two morning worship services where we looked at how the disciples dealt with the obstacle of the Jewish leaders and what they were called to do and say by God, the Brewster Family boarded the family motor home. With the Saturn in tow, we headed to Lake Junaluska, NC. Shortly after crossing the North Carolina state line, in the midst of the winding and mountainous I-40, I was confronted by a guardrail to the right of me, a car in the lane left of me, and a wheel (metal rim with tire attached) in front of me. It was in my lane. I slowed down as much I could, but we hit the wheel. My decision was to not push the car next to me into the concrete barrier.

The impact with the wheel blew the front wheel of the motor home, damaged the entry steps, and busted the wheels and tires on the right side of our towed Saturn. The next 45 minutes were spent trying to find someone open on a Sunday, near our location in Nowhere, NC, who could help us with three flat tires. We waited for another 2 hours for help to finally arrive.

Due to the delay, I missed the opening worship of Annual Conference. Monday was spent looking at why Holston Annual Conference needs to adopt "A Call to Action" to address the need for more vital churches. This meant we looked terrible statistics of loss and decline over 40 years. Then we followed this depression by haggling over a couple of line items in the budget for next year. As I left for the afternoon, I decided to run around The Lake and reflect.

In three years, we've made some pretty big decisions. Some might even say that we decided to hit a pretty good sized wheel in the road, because the other options weren't really options. As we had these times of visioning and discerning, we reached these difficult decisions with consensus. We all agreed to move boldly, risking what may come for the glory of God. Sometimes it felt like at least three wheels had fallen off. It was difficult to find help because our situation was unique and was bigger than most could handle. The wait was longer than we expected. We wanted results quicker than they came.

But help did come. Three wonderful guys made it to us and changed our motor home tire, towed our car to safety, and then found us rims and tires to complete our fix. I believe our help has arrived for us as a church ... and it's not me. It's the Holy Spirit working in and through us in ways we have not experienced before. There is hope ... We are already doing most of what "A Call to Action" suggests. So, in this next year we'll concentrate on becoming more vital as a congregation.

BIT: So, First Farragut, in a few moments as the gavel falls, in the words of Stealers Wheel describing being on tour (and other things), I'm "stuck in the middle with you". Yes, "clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right, here I am, stuck in the middle with you, Yes I'm stuck in the middle with you, stuck in the middle with you."

BITTER: Whether we have cars to the left and a guardrail to the right on a winding mountainous road ... Or clowns to the left and jokers to the right, we're stuck on this tour bus together ... For at least one more year. I believe we are going to have a great time, filled with fun adventure as we become a more vital congregation for Jesus Christ. So, here's to Fantastic Four (oh, I may have my blog title for June 2012)!

Fifteen

It happened soon after we were married. It was not a subject that came up in our premarital counseling. We did not discuss it in the nine months we were dating ... nor during our 6 week engagement (which btw had some talking). There were none around the parsonage during any of this time. She had no clue.

We were at a store. I saw them. I lit up with excitement. "Honey, we have to have them!" The answer was a resounding "No. They are creepy." After pleading for some time she put the exclamation point on the discussion with, "And, I find it disturbing that you like them."

They are gnomes. I'm not much on "yard art." But gnomes make me happy. Don't know why. They are not like most "yard art" that jumps out at you and says, "Here I am!" Instead, they are hidden celebrations.

Anyway, we overcame the impasse. Any good husband would not want something that "creeps out" his wife lying around the house ... so I let it go. Then, a couple of years ago my wife gave me a couple of gnomes as a present. She told me these two "don't creep me out as much". They look like normal gnomes to me, so I know this was a sacrificial gift from her to me. I try to keep them hidden in the garden.

BIT: Today, Gincy and I celebrate having been married for 15 years. The gnomes are just an example of the give and take that has to take place to survive that long. Yes, I know 15 years is just a drop in the bucket in comparison to some ... but that just gives me something toward which to look forward. And, I must say that Gincy has had to give more than take. Our prenuptial agreement is a testament to that:

1. She would always have to work, because I probably wouldn't make enough. Which has meant her working at Target and The Thifty Nickel.


2. She would have to move and follow me in my work. Which has meant the stress of finding new jobs everywhere we go.


3. She would never be able to tell a church member to "go to hell," even if they needed to hear it (especially if they needed to hear it). Later, this #3 was amended to include Conference Officials. Which has meant that Gincy has had to bite her tongue on numerous occasions.

BITTER: So, in our first fifteen years, our journey has included: burying both of our last grandmothers, mourning the tragic death of our nephew (Spencer Alford), surviving adopting two fantastic boys (passed parenting test not once, but twice!), vacationing in Mexico (said she'd never do it, never say never), Bahamas, Key West, and Maine, been to Guatemala (wouldn't call it a vacation); we've survived a car accident in South Carolina, survived Hailapocalypse in Farragut, experienced every parent illness known to humanity, meningitis with our oldest, and both of our kids having matching forehead scars.

And so, today, I mark a fifteen year journey with my beautiful wife, Gincy, with what I have selected as my 2011 theme song.