Hope Is Present

My original plan was to blog today about last Sunday's message. It would have been on fear. But something has been working on me for the last couple of weeks and some times you just have to let it out. I realized it last night at our Staff Parish Relations Committee meeting. Marty Layman is a member of our group, I knew that today was a special day in his family's life, but I knew I would come completely unglued if I said or did anything. [I've already made three trips to the rest room to get tissue this morning writing this first paragraph]. Today is the birthday of Garrett Lee Layman. He would have been one today. I don't really know what I want to say. First Farragut Church is marking this time by announcing the Garrett Lee Layman Memorial Scholarship for TAKE-OFF (our parent's day out school). This Sunday our congregation will have an opportunity to give a gift to this fund that will make possible scholarships for TAKE-OFF. It is a living legacy. Gincy and I will be giving a gift to this fund. The Layman Family is very involved with The March of Dimes. Holly has a page where you can support her by walking or giving a gift (http://www.marchforbabies.org/personal_page.asp?pp=3438401&ct=4&w=4535160&u=hlayman). What to say? I really didn't know what to say, so I went back to what I shared at Garrett's Celebration of Life Service. So Here's the Bit.

BIT: It was proud big sister Olivia who said what we all were thinking – gathered there in that small room off of the NICU at East Tennessee Children’s Hospital. Upon hearing about the death of her little brother, Garrett, from her mom and dad – in the midst of her grief she said it – “This is the worst day ever.”

Sunday had been a great day – Easter Sunday. Olivia was out on Main Street at First Farragut Church clutching the picture of her little brother Garrett. We had all experienced the hope and joy of Easter – the Resurrection of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. We had the single red rose on the altar rail celebrating the birth of Garrett Lee Laymon that week. I’d preached a sermon on the empty promises of Easter – an empty cross, the promise that our sins are forgiven – an empty tomb, the promise of eternal life – empty burial clothes, the promise of a close personal relationship with our living Savior, Jesus Christ. It was a glorious day filled with promise.

Only two days later – Tuesday -- we were filled with profound emptiness. It was what we had been praying for weeks would not happen. And it happened … so quickly … right in the midst of our hope and promise.

What do you say? My experience tells me that there is no loss so striking, so numbing, so tragic, so full of grief, as the loss of a child. Any loss is tragic for those left behind. But the loss of a child seems to have its own extraordinary kind of tragedy. Our minds naturally want to race ahead into the promise of life – what precious Olivia did after declaring that Tuesday was the worst day ever – a litany of all the things little Garret and she would never do together, each accented with her grief. This worst day ever, will forever be etched into my mind.

Yes, the death of a child has its own kind of tragedy. Our children are supposed to bury us, as their elderly parents. Our children are supposed to outlive us. Our children are supposed to carry on our family name, our family traditions, our family memories. At least that’s how I would plan it. And my words, just like on Tuesday, seem so empty.

What we lack in words – we make up for in presence. Words aren’t going to be able to begin healing your pain – but presence will. Paul says it this way, “I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

It is God’s presence that makes my spirit say to you, I’m convinced that this is not God’s will. God does not will suffering and sorrow and death. God wills the abundant life. The truth is -- God mourns with us. God knows our sense of loss, our sense of sorrow, our sense of grief. On Tuesday -- the worst day ever -- after Resurrection Sunday and because of Resurrection Sunday, Jesus with tears in his eyes, because he knew the pain that death brings to those left behind – especially because it was someone so special -- received little Garrett saying, “little child, come to me, the kingdom of God belongs to you.”

It is presence here tonight that tells my spirit that miracle baby Garrett, had an impact, even in only 8 days.

It is presence here tonight that tells my spirit that Marty & Holly and Olivia are in good hands. Yes, their burden is enormous – greater than any I can imagine. But I also know that many of you are a part of the Body of Christ at First Farragut Church. I know that presence is going to take care of you. First Farragut is a place of Christian love and care and fellowship – the communion of saints, the body of believers at First Farragut reaches out to you to be with you, to stand with you, to pray for you, to cry with you, that we may together express our hope in a risen Savior.

Many of you are friends and family who have experienced the love and grace of God many times. I know your presence surrounds and upholds Marty and Holly with the peace of God.

Your presence, the Body of Christ’s presence, God’s eternal presence embraces us. An infinte God grieves with us. This parent God lifts this little Garrett from the fragile embrace of death and gives him new life in an eternal realm. And so, people of God, gather around this miracle. That even on the worst day ever, God’s presence, the Church’s presence, the loving ones presence – brought the Easter Resurrection Promise to fulfillment – That in the midst of the worst day ever – death – hope was present. Hope is present.

BITTER: Happy Birthday, Garrett!

Revealing

It will probably go down as one of my more crazy ideas. I designed a t-shirt for when I reached my original goal of losing 50 pounds and weighing under 200. That's not the crazy idea. The crazy idea was how I was going to let my congregation know that I had reached this goal. They have been watching me slowly loose the weight over 3 and a half months. We did a mini worship series on "Get Pumped!" from 1 Corinthians, which highlighted getting fit and healthy, both physically and spiritually. They have been part of my inspiration as they've given me encouragement to keep going. So, I wanted them to celebrate with me.

So, the shirt had come in the mail before spring break but I had not reached the goal. And, I didn't plan to reach the goal over spring break ... eating twice at Fudpuckers in Destin while on vacation will not help you lose weight! But it sure was good. I gained 3 pounds. But then I came down with the flu ... lost the 3 pounds I had gained ... and 5 more. This past Friday I reached my goal. I weighed 197 pounds! I celebrated with Colemun, my fit trainer at The Rush ... but I didn't wear the t-shirt (because he would make me get it all sweaty). I'll wear it to The Rush on Wednesday when I have my session.

I facebooked that I was going to have a big surprise in worship on Sunday ... and all kinds of people tried to guess what it would be. Even some church members from my distant past remembered other crazy things I've done in worship.

No one guessed. I put on the t-shirt. Put my dress shirt over it. Put on my tie. Put on my robe. Put on my stole. And then at the sermon time ... I told them it was time for the surprise. I took off my stole. I took off my robe. I took off my tie. It was reported that one of our first-time visitors leaned over to the person who had invited them and asked, "What have you gotten me into here?" To which she responded, "He's not ever done this before." I took off my dress shirt to REVEAL my OnederLand t-shirt. Needless to say, I believed they were surprised. At least they looked surprised.

BIT: People started calling it a striptease, which I have opted to use "progressive reveal". Striptease in worship just doesn't sound right. Of course we did have a discussion in Church Council this week on Pole Dancing for Jesus. Don't worry, it was a very short discussion. There will be no more "reveals" for a while at First Farragut (or Pole Dancing).

BITTER: Thank you First Farragut for all your support and love. I am the most blessed to be your pastor!

Anguish

During Lent, we've been looking at the "24 Hours That Changed the World", and this past Sunday we entered the Garden of Gethsemane. The words used by the Gospel of Mark in describing Jesus in the Garden are "greatly distressed and troubled." (14:33) Out of his own mouth, "My soul is very sorrowful, even to death." (14:34) Jesus was anguishing.

Anguish is defined as "agonizing physical or mental pain -- torment." I would include in the mental pain category, spiritual pain or struggle. Jesus will go through physical pain and struggle later in the 24 hours, when he is tortured humiliated and ultimately crucified. But as we enter the Garden of Gethsemane with Jesus, we experience Jesus' spiritual struggle.

Sometimes we place so much emphasis on Jesus' divinity that we lose sight of his humanity. That he was fully human meant that he felt many of the same emotions and feelings that we feel. We have seen Jesus be angry with the money changers, tempted by Satan in the wilderness, grieve at the loss of a dear friend, and now feel anguish. One of his best friends in all of the world has left to go turn him in to the authorities (even betraying him with a kiss), the other eleven will all desert him, three (Peter, James, and John) cannot even stay awake during his darkest hour of prayer and struggle, Peter (his most loyal) denies him three times before morning, and he knows he his facing ridicule, torture, pain, suffering, and one of the most gruesome deaths imaginable, crucifixion.

As Jesus anguishes in his spirit, he responds much the same we do when we are experiencing deep spiritual or physical struggle or pain. He goes to God and says, "Father, all things are possible for you. Remove this cup from me." Our spiritual and physical anguish many times leads to asking the question "why?" Why do healthy and good people die of cancer? Why do children sometimes die before their parents? Why am I not finding the right person to marry?

One of the greatest tirings we struggle with is trying to understand the will of God. What is my purpose? And when things turn rough and we anguish, we ask, how in the world does this fit into your divine plan for me? Why does it have to be so hard? Surely, there is a better way.

Maybe that was what Jesus was going through in the Garden of Gethsemane. Even though he knew and understood the will of God, his anguish lead him to ask God to "remove this cup from me." But his simple prayer didn't end there ... "yet not what I will, but what you will."

BIT: Our challenge on Sunday was to look at where we are in the story. Find yourself in the story. Are you like Jesus -- struggling with knowing the will of God and actually doing the will of God? Are you like the three disciples -- who are unable to stay awake, or pay attention, or follow through when Jesus most needed them? Are you like Judas -- who'd had enough of Jesus not measuring up to his expectations and is out of here? Or, are you like Job (who's not in the story, but I added him as a bonus) -- struggling with determining the will of God in your life?

What is that you anguish with in your life? Are you to a point in the struggle where you can say, "yet not what I want, but what you want"?

Let us continue our journey and observance of Lent together.

Tired

This week has been vacation for the Brewster Family. We started out with a weekend with my 40 year old sister in Springfield, TN. We had a great time and great food celebrating her momentous birthday. Then mom and dad in their motor home and us in ours traveled to Destin, FL for 5 days on the beach. Luckily, I didn't burn myself until the third day (this must be some kind of record ... usually I'm a lobster by day 2).

It has been a fantastic week! Great weather! Great food (high marks for the Stefani Hudson recommendation of Fudpuckers -- be careful with the name, but the food and fun was amazing! Great beach! Great camp site -- 200 ft from the ocean! It has been a great and relaxing time for me. Covered up like a vampire ... in my chair ... sitting on the beach ... good book ... I think you can get the picture.

BIT: Sometimes vacations can be hectic and draining. Too much activity. Each morning my better half asks, "What's the plan?" My reply has been, "There is no plan." The only ritual has been running each morning on the beach ... 30 minutes one way ... 30 minutes back ... mostly to atone (a subject we will be covering in our new worship series ... part 2 this Sunday!) for the sins of the previous evening, and continued fasting on Thursdays. So, I am well rested.

Our non-schedule has meant that my two kids have had many opportunities .. pools, beach, shopping, restaurants, bike riding ... so I was reminded how draining a vacation can be when my youngest fell asleep while eating a pop tart -- yes, that is a bite in his mouth ... mid chew.

BITTER: No matter how tired I've ever been ... I've never fallen asleep while eating. Thanks First Farragut for this fantastic time away.

I Had To Put It Down

Some on the staff at First Farraugt have been trying to get me to join the "i" family. I've been resistant for several reasons. One, my carrier didn't support the "i". Two, I'm so familiar with pc. All of that came crashing down this past weekend.

The whole family loaded into the motor home to go and visit my sister who was celebrating her 40th birthday. My sister lives in the "middle of nowhere" Tennessee. So, my better half had my phone trying to get directions to her home (which shows how often I've been to visit, I repent!) My better half was having trouble with my Android phone. She kept saying that it was automatically pushing apps and moving freely in the map app. I told her that "it was working perfectly fine before she got it" (DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME, ONLY A PROFESSIONAL SHOULD TRY THAT LAST COMMENT). We did finally make it to my sister's home. It was a GREAT celebration!

On Saturday my Android starting acting crazy with me at the helm. It would randomly push buttons. Apps would pop up while I was trying to read email. It was a little annoying. But then Sunday came. The Android went nuts! I could not do anything with it. Soon I was in "connectivity withdrawal". No email. No Facebook. No blogs. No texting.

After lunch on Sunday, in full withdrawal with shaking, we went to the Verizon store. I handed my precious Android over to the tech guy, Daniel. Who, within 60 seconds said ... "There is nothing we can do for it ... we might be able to get your contacts off of it ... but only if we can get to the settings."

BIT: The short is that I have now entered the "i" world. Yes, I have an ipod, I'm not a total goof. But now I have an iphone 4. I know it is the first step toward total indoctrination (or in Trekkie language, assimilation). How many people do you know who purchased an Apple product and then didn't go all in?

Even with the holy grail of phones, I still grieve having to "put down" my Android. I knew where everything was ... my calendar, my apps, my email, my texts ... Now, I'm still lost.

BITTER: Worse, I've now gone 3 days without work email. Of course my better half reminds me of our prenup agreement which states that I will not engage in work related reading at anytime during my vacation (she knew from the beginning my difficulty with boundaries). So, if you've emailed me ... until I reconnect with my tech savvy staff ... am vacationing blind.

Remember

The staff at First Farragut have been trying to get me to update my pictures since losing nearly 50 pounds. I've told them I didn't want to do that until I reach my goal (nearly 50 pounds, isn't 50 pounds). However, I have posted a picture of my thumb from last night on this blog.

It was our Ash Wednesday Service that caused the "dirt" under my fingernail. I always try, after the imposition of ashes, to get the black ashes out from under my thumbnail. It never works. No amount of hand sanitizer or scrubbing will work. My eldest commented that next year he thinks he'll get the sign of the cross on the back of his hand instead of on his forehead (an option we give at First Farragut). The reason he gave caught me. He said that the ashes on his forehead sort of hurt, burned. I've thought of that when I've been making the cross on people's forehead. The ashes are wet and grainy, and you can feel it "scratching" across the skin.

The imposition of ashes is about remembering. "Remember that you are dust and to dust you shall return." It is a powerful moment for me. I usually have the hardest time with kids. My very first funeral was for a 6 year old who had drowned. It is a memory I carry with me. Children are so precious. Having had such a difficult process putting our family together, having children is a very special gift. The thought that children are dust and that they might return to dust too soon, makes it very emotional for me.

It happened last night. Perhaps my biggest break down in ash imposition history. It wasn't a child, it was Phil Scheuneman. I made it to "Remember that you are dust ..." and the images of his beautiful wife going through cancer and dying last year flooded my mind ... too soon ... Phil's loving spirit, gracious and generous ... their children ... and it happened ... I couldn't finish "... and to dust you shall return." It felt like forever before I could go on ...

BIT: Remembering can be painful. Ashes aren't easily removed from under your thumbnail and they do grit into our forehead. But remembering that we are mortal helps us to appreciate and celebrate the new life God gives us in Christ. Mortal remembered, eternal life celebrated. Paul puts it this way, "When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: "'Death has been swallowed up in victory.'" (1 Corinthians 15: 54)

Is it not the same with Easter and Resurrection? How can we fully appreciate and celebrate Easter and Resurrection without the pain and suffering of the Crucifixion?

BITTER: I have started my fasting on Thursdays (no, I'm not giving up facebook). Blessed Lent ... Let's journey together to Easter ... (It's more fun that way)

OMG!

Our closing worship service at Lake Junaluska on last Thursday was lead by Bishop James Swanson. The whole Conference was centered around "Worship ... Faithful and Relevant", so the Bishop shared about worship. He captured our attention by talking about text language, especially OMG (Oh My God). OMG is used to exclaim surprise. The Bishop turned OMG around to say that our worship should have OMG moments ... moments when we experience the awesomeness of God and our response ... Oh My God! (OMG!)

If you've ever heard our bishop preach, you know he can get going. After writing this blog Annette Spence, Editor of The Call, shared some excerpts from the Bishop's message: In a message titled, "OMG," Swanson asked listeners if their worship experiences led them or their flocks to respond, "Oh, my God."

"What is it about worship that makes you skip and jump and leap and run when you leave that place -- or makes you cry until you have no tears?" he said.

"There ought to be something on Sunday morning that makes a man want to stop squandering his money on alcohol when he has a family to take care of," Swanson said.

"There ought to be something on Sunday morning to make a person say, 'I shouldn't take the Lord's money and spend it to buy season tickets for Vols games.'" [to view the entire artical, http://holston.org/about/communications/the-call/volEEE/num10/ministers-convocation/

After he got going he challenged us preachers to make sure that we are worshipping when we worship. Even if no one else is worshipping, the pastors should be seen worshipping. I'm excited about our Lenten Worship Series: 24 Hours That Changed the World. Someone told me on Sunday that he hoped the series would be as good as the video trailer we've been using in worship. That's what I'm going to do ... look for the OMG each Sunday (pray God reveals what OMG that God wants to share) and bring it. So be on the look out for God.

BIT: Sunday was Children's Sunday. The theme wasn't OMG, but it could have been. The three mini-messages were on worship. Ian Collins lead us with "Worship in All That You Do" with an illustration from Nacho Libre ... excellent! He also referenced the author of the next book our staff will be reading together: The Practice of the Presence of God with Spiritual Maxims by Brother Lawrence. Eryn Hill shared "Worship In All Circumstances" noting the struggles that we all face, including her own struggle with Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis ... inspirational! Hope Whitaker brought it home with "Worship in Celebration" sharing wonderful stories about her family, especially her aunt who sings and dances despite being deaf and physically challenged ... Amazing! Kids singing, dancing, reading, praying, drawing, waving banners, playing instruments ... to the glory of God ... it really hit me as I went up to lead The Great Thanksgiving ... I felt so humble to be there ... to be in the presence ... IT WAS A GREAT THANKSGIVING ... and ... OMG!

Time to Go

As I ran 5.2 miles around the lake this morning, I reflected about my time here at Lake Junaluska this week. I've been attending the 2011 Holston Conference Ministers' Convocation on "Worship ... Faithful and Relevant." First I was excited about attending because I love worship and want it to be faithful and relevant. Second, (as you may know by now by reading these blogs) I love "...", so when I saw "..." in the title of the Conference ... well ... I had to come.

My reflection led me to realize that I haven't gotten a whole lot out of the lectures. Yes, here and there, I was challenged by some theological positions, but my knowledge hasn't grown dramatically. What I have experienced this week is a closeness to God that is transformative.

I'm in a beautiful place in the mountains. So, I couldn't help but think about The Transfiguration (this Sunday is Transfiguration Sunday, as it is Children's Sunday, we will not celebrate it at First Farragut). I share the experience from what we would have used this Sunday ... from the Gospel of Matthew ...

Six days later, Jesus took with him Peter and James and his brother John and led them up a high mountain, by themselves. And he was transfigured before them, and his face shone like the sun, and his clothes became dazzling white. Suddenly there appeared to them Moses and Elijah, talking with him. Then Peter said to Jesus, “Lord, it is good for us to be here; if you wish, I will make three dwellings here, one for you, one for Moses, and one for Elijah.” While he was still speaking, suddenly a bright cloud overshadowed them, and from the cloud a voice said, “This is my Son, the Beloved; with him I am well pleased; listen to him!” When the disciples heard this, they fell to the ground and were overcome by fear. But Jesus came and touched them, saying, “Get up and do not be afraid.” And when they looked up, they saw no one except Jesus himself alone. As they were coming down the mountain, Jesus ordered them, “Tell no one about the vision until after the Son of Man has been raised from the dead.”

No, it has not been a huge knowledge time for me. But, it has been a huge spiritual time for me. Part of this experience has been my running around the Lake in the morning, even before sunrise. Thinking and praying ... truly feeling a closeness to God, my Creator, Jesus, my Redeemer, and the Holy Spirit, whom I have experienced as the source of my calling. In worship with my brothers and sisters in the ministry, I have experienced the closeness of God through words of prayer for each other and sharing celebrations and concerns. There is nothing more powerful than sharing a concern and having someone place their hands on you and pray, thanks to my friend Micah Nicolaus.

I find myself like Peter ... with a deep sense of wanting more! Unlike Peter, I'm ready to come home. [Honey, I've not bought any property at Lake Junaluska] Yes, it is good to be on the mountain with God, experiencing God's closeness. Lake Junaluska IS a very special place. But, Jesus knew something that Peter didn't. If they had built some homes and stayed ... eventually ... Peter, James, and John would have missed the other disciples, their friends (those back "home"). Eventually, their calling in Christ, would have compelled them to get back to their work, their mission ... a will would have made them long to practice the insights and inspiration from their time with God. They would have missed their family and friends. My good friend Betty Furches said it to me today at breakfast, "It's day three, I'm ready to go home." [That was really what I should have said to my wife in a previous blog -- I REALLY miss you by day three and REALLY want to get home] Then she said how much "Honey" (her spouse) was also ready for her to get back.

BIT: It is time to go home. Time to get back to my work in Christ at First Farragut. And, I bring an energy and a wholeness that I did not have before coming up to the mountain. [I believe I also have a new sermon series for the Fall]. So, make sure you spend some time ... as God says in our scripture ... "LISTEN TO HIM". Have you spent some time just listening to him? I promise, you won't regret it.